maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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