What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
