Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
