Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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