My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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