Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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