I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
