wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
