what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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