oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
