I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
