He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
