At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
