I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize