Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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