this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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