i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
