So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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