o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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