He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
