Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
