Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
