that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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