You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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