Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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