I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
