When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
