Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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