We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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