went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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