she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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