So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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