I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck appropriateness.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
