Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
