so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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