I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
