I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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