before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
