The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
