Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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