I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
