I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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