Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
