i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
