There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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