I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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