I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
