The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
