I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dicks are not precious.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
