i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
