sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
