I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize