I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
