I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
