Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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