I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
