Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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