This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it