Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I licked your asshole in confidence.