You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....