Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
