if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
