Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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