Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
